TomCat's "Politics Plus" has been on a good role since coming back in September. In honor of TomCat's growing readership, and in honor of my lazy friend John, I bring back one of my highest traffic posts of 2009. Thank you for stopping by and I hope everyone has a great 2010.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
TRUTH101- OUTDOORSMAN
A friend of mine finally convinced me to go hunting with him. I warned him that I tried hunting 20 or so years ago and sucked at it so I stopped
My friend, John, told me not to worry. He had a great farm a few miles from Quincy that had plenty of animals to shoot. He wanted to go out and get some rabbits and squirrels for some kind of stew. John said I could use one of his guns cause I said I'll get the hunting license but I'm not going through all the red tape to get a FOID card just to shoot at a squirrel. John also said he'd get a case of beer so that made the trip kind of worthwhile.
So we get to the farm and John's brother is already there. I forgot John's brother's name so I called him "Brother" the rest of the day. Anyway, Brother is wearing a camouflage outfit and has his face smeared with some brown stuff. I thought it was overkill considering we were there to kill squirrels and rabbits, but I figured the guy must have spent alot of money on this shit at Walmart so I won't make any wise cracks.
John was unloading the case of beer and the guns we'd be using, a 12 gauge shotgun and a 22 caliber rifle. I was hoping he'd let me use the shotgun but he hands me the 22. Not much more than a BB gun. A gun for sissies I thought. I figured Brother must know what he's doing so I ask him if we're going to work as a team to flush out our prey. Brother said "I hunt alone." And gave me dirty look. To break the tension after asking him the offending question, I asked Brother why he was hunter. Brother said "For the meat" as he gave me another cold look. I wanted to ask him if he killed the three Slim Jims in his back pocket but I figured that might piss him off. Instead I told him to go kill something for us to feast on. Brother told me and John to head North and he would head south. I was born in Connecticut. Either say right or left. To save myself another icy stare I waited for Brother to head out so I could just go the opposite direction.
After traipsing around about two hours John and I hear Brother's gun go off and a yell from Brother. I heard the same yell on a fishing lure commercial so I told John
that Brother must have shot a fish.
After another hour John spotted our prey. The elusive rabbit. Not ten feet away. John lifted his 12 gauge and took deadly aim. It's hard to miss from ten feet with a 12 gauge shotgun. John pulled the trigger and the rabbit was ours. What was left of it anyway. John put the few remaining guts and fur in his pouch and we moved on in search of more life sustaining game.
We trekked another hour before seeing something worth shooting. An old "no trespassing" sign hanging from a barb wire fence. I looked at John and he nodded. I set my sights on the "no trespassing sign and readied to squeeze the trigger. Then it hit me. I'm a Nihilist. Not a hunter. I lowered my rifle and gave a nod to the "no trespassing sign. I could sense it nodding back. In the spirit of Black Elk, I laid down my rifle and vowed to hunt no more.
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12 comments:
Truth,
great story. I'm not a hunter, nothing against it just never interested me.I have friends who hunt and are the "John" types and I'm often the beneficiary of their skill.
I've come across the "Brother" type too. It wouldn't be fair to say Brother gives hunting a bad name cause he probably give everything he does a bad name.
Hope the year is good for you and brings you and yours good cheer man!
I was lousy at it twenty years ago and just as bad when I went with John. Like you, it just doesn't interest me. But I do strike an imposing figure with a gun in hand.
Beings my husband is an avid hunter, I really liked that story Truth! I have some deer meat in the freezer as we speak, gonna cook up some for meatballs Sunday. Am I eating the meatballs you ask? Hell NO!!!
There is no way I could look between the eyes of some critter, shoot it and then take it home - to eat no less.
Wonderful story, Truth.
You could always try hunting with Dick.
@Truth 101,
Chuck Norris does not go "hunting," because the term "hunting" implies the possibility of failure...
Chuck Norris goes "killing."
-SJ
First of all tree rat and cotton tail rat are very 'neckish in the eating category ( See Foxworthy verse 2 )
Next take up the gentleman's hunt of quail , pheasant , or water fowl . This type of hunting involves in depth conversations about life , chicks , politics and where the hell did that dog go .
Wing shooting is more about seeing nature at it's best . We never care if we even fire the gun . Somedays you may see an otter , deer , coyote , or godzilla of spoonbills .
It gives to reaffirmation of the 2nd , and some opportunity to just look at all the shear beauty of nature .
Also wing shooters get to see a dog on point or the splash of a lab doing what god intended it to do as it torpedoes after the downed bird . It reenforces the relationship of man and dog and pheasant and goose taste great .
I used to hunt, but that was in Colorado when I was much younger. The last time I saw a 'Brother' type, an elk led him in a perfect circle and the fool shot his own horse.
I loved the posting! Actually I used to hunt back year's ago every chance I got, my way of getting away from the city life. I done most of my hunting in Upstate New York, and on the Souhtern Nevada/ California border and alot in SE Texas about 60 mile's northeast of Houston in the Big Thicket. I stopped hunting when I was in my late 20's ... never hunted again.
A quikie I wanted to tell here ...is one of the most frightening experience's I had was when walking through the wood's once in the Big Thicket (SE Texas) and coming across a wild boar, who we stood looking at each other for less than a minute, but seemed like an hour! I had a 12 gauge handy, waiting for it to make it's move, cause I couldnt scale the tree fast enough ... he was a big boy too! He paused then strangely but much appreciated ...walked away. Thank Guy ...........
Truth,
I've never been one to hunt. Obviously, I've a lot of experience with guns but hunting never interested me. I've used guns in my life but never to hunt.
I used to have to call another officer to shoot deers when they were struck by cars. In Ohio, the driver has first call on the deer struck, but the police had to put the deer down.
I had to call someone else to do it when the deer looked at me with those big brown eyes. I'm a pansy for animals. Great story.
Good day sir.
Kind of neat how we can ascribe human emotions to animals RC and LAOT.
LAOT's testimony and police work have put many thugs in prison for a long time and I gather he has no regrets. Yet he couldn't bring himself to shoot a dying animal. That my friends is the kind of person I want carrying a badge.
I've never hunted a day in my life, but I used to spend quite a lot of time fishing. Loads of fun.
If you ever do decide to take up hunting again, do yourself a favor and insist that the beer is for after you're finished with the guns.
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