A BAD DAY OF FISHING BEATS A GOOD DAY OF WORK

Weather was nice so my buddy John and I went fishing. Of course John had to bring his goofy brother. If you remember "Brother" from last time, he was the nut with all the camo gear, face paint and stinky scent just to go squirrel hunting. No different this time. John shows up with Brother and Brother gets out of the truck wearing his fishing outfit that looked like a Virgil Ward special. A coverall thing with patches advertising shit all over it. I asked Brother how much he was being paid to wear all that stuff. Brother said he got a deal on it at Bass Pro Shop in Branson Missouri. $49.99 and he also got a free refrigerator magnet. Jesus Christ.







I at least figured that if was at bass Pro Shop in Branson Mo. them maybe Brother was a decent fisherman like myself. I loaded my $100 Pflueger baitcasting Outfit and giant tackle box full of Gulps, Yums and Rapalas in the John's boat. Brother said I had some high fallutin fishin sticks. Then he said the EIGHT Zebco 202's strung with 20lb. test mono were his. Jesus Christ.



So we get the boat in the water. Of course John and Brother have to have the seats with backrests, but so what. We're fishing. I like to stand and work my cats and lures anyway. But not this time. John and Brother just want to go to a brush pile and catch crappie and bluegill. So I'm embarrassed that another accomplished angler like myself will see me with a freaking bobber and worm on my $100 Pflueger Baitcasting outfit. Luckily we had the lake to ourselves. John puts the trolling motor on high and we get to his brush pile. Then the fun begins.




John uses a telescoping cane pole that sticks out about twenty feet. He catches lots of fish with it but he also swings the damn thing around whapping heads and whipping whomever else is within twenty feet with hooks, minnows and worms. So John baits up and he starts catching fish. In the meantime, Brother, is dicking around with this two inch bluegill he can see is nibbling his worm for about thirty minutes. I asked him why he was screwing with that thing. Brother said he was not going to be outsmarted by a fish. Whatever dummy. So I opened a fresh bag of Redman Chewing Tobacco to relax me. Brother asked me to put it away because it would make him sick. I said "You fu#king with that go#d#mn two inch goldfish is making me sick shi#head!"
The mood changed from tense to joy on Brother's part because the two incher finally hooked itself and Brother hauled his prize catch onto the boat.





This is when the fun really began. Brother said he was allergic to fish slime and wanted me to take his trophy two incher off the hook and put it on the stringer. I took it off the hook and looked at John. John said I'd never get it shoved up Brother's ass without tipping the boat over.

So I told Brother I was Nihilist and didn't put living creatures on stringers. I threw Brother's prize back in the lake and knew I'd made a positive difference in the ecosystem.