LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY I'M SORRY AS LONG AS YOU'RE A REPUBLICAN

Before anyone writes off the career of Governor Sanford, it is wise to remember the Republican's capacity to forgive the sins of Republicans.

A sex scandal is no big deal to them. They know that the hard work of reducing government and deregulating leaves men vulnerable to temptations of the flesh. After the secret society of Republican scandal fixers gets done with Mrs. Sanford, she will probably be holding press conferences blaming herself and the liberal media for her husbands dalliances.

Newt Gingrich got away with his affairs. Now he's an important spokesman for Republicans. Rush Limbaugh "Doctor shopped" for Oxycontin and still is collecting from his 400 million dollar contract.

Funny how no Republican can talk about Sanford without mentioning Clinton. But they don't mention Mark Foley or Larry Craig. These two weirdos are forgiven by Republicans also. They just don't talk about it. It's kind of like a Republican policy of "don't ask. Don't tell." Gay Republicans are forgiven as long as nobody mentions their gayness. If you think I'm wrong just mention Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter. Then watch the Republicans go apeshit for mentioning his lesbian daughter. As long as the offenders repeat right wing catch phrases, they will be welcome in the Republican Party.

One of the things that makes our Country so great is the infinite number of ways to achieve your dreams. As a die hard Union man, I've always advocated working smart. Not hard. The right has proven that it is smart to talk dumb to people. Tell them what they want to hear and they will follow you anywhere. If you want to start a blog and want lots of followers, post here or one of my left leaning com padres blogs that you think we're assholes. Nothing else is necessary because the fifty people that will sign up to be your followers within two hours neither care or understand anything else. Then keep them hooked by complaining about Obama or taxes. A picture of a good looking woman on your profile reels in even more of them.

So my friends; remember what Reverend Billy Graham told President Nixon. "Mr. President. Forgive thine enemy seventy times seven. As long as he's a Republican.

MORE POWERFUL THAN A LOCOMOTIVE!

It has brought down kings. Prime ministers. Presidents. Popes. Preachers. CEO's. Senators. Congressmen. Rosie O'Donnell.

It makes strong men weak. It makes weak men weaker. It launched a thousand ships.

Never, ever, underestimate the power of the vagina.

Good night America. And good luck...

I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT CONSERVATIVES REALLY WANT.

For some reason, a few bloggers of the conservative bent have been taking me to task at theirs and a few other sites. It was not my intent to piss them off. I believe they just wanted to be pissed off because they like the rush.

So in keeping with my reputation for kind and gentle benevolence, I offer them stuff that will really give them a good pissing off:

I voted for Reverend Jesse Jackson in two presidential primaries

I support the rights of gays to marry.

GRAY HEADED BROTHER. GRAY HEADED BROTHER. GRAY HEADED BROTHER.

I believe in sane gun control laws that keep guns out of the hands of criminals and psychotics.

I believe single payer, government run health insurance is good for America.

I don't care about your religious beliefs. Most people that do are either looking for a donation or are self righteous assholes I don't want to be around.

GRAY HEADED BROTHER. GRAY HEADED BROTHER. GRAY HEADED BROTHER.

John Kerry would have been a far better president than George W. Bush.

Al Gore would have been a far better president than George W. Bush.

Ronald Reagan gave a good speech. Other than that, he wasn't that special.

GRAY HEADED BROTHER. GRAY HEADED BROTHER. GRAY HEADED BROTHER.

President George W. Bush held hands, danced with, and kissed the Saudi Prince. And I never once made a gay joke about it for the righties to accuse me of gay bigotry.

GRAY HEADED BROTHER. GRAY HEADED BROTHER. GRAY HEADED BROTHER.

If I spell something wrong, I don't care.

I'm open minded enough to recognize outstanding Conservative leaning bloggers and add them to my link list.

The deficit is 11 trillion dollars and growing. We cannot "cut" our way out of it. We're going to have to raise taxes. I am okay with that. I appreciate the services government provides and I'm glad to help pay for them.

GRAY HEADED BROTHER. GRAY HEADED BROTHER. GRAY HEADED BROTHER.

DISGUSTED WITH MEDIA'S PREOCCUPATION WITH SEX

For some reason, whether I happen to be watching women's golf, tennis, beach volleyball, or any other sport involving members of the fairer sex, the announcer, usually a female also, has to tell me that not only is the competitor a good athlete in some way, she's also "very attractive."

The media must figure we males as nothing but ignorant dolts. Only concerned with ogling and other carnal desires. Do they think we watch this stuff just to see a finely proportioned female, her breasts heaving. Her firm buns barely covered by her sports thong. Her finely tones thighs and calves.

It's the drama of competition we watch these events for. We understand that a highly trained female tennis player sometimes has to make adjustments. Just as a baseball player does. We know that a female golf professional in her tight skirt has to bend over to pick up her golf ball just like a male. It is disrespectful to we males that the media thinks it has to make everything involving females into some kind of sexual adventure.

In many cases, there are legitimate reasons for females to be scantily clad that have nothing to do with titillation. As in the picture at the top of this Speak. These wholesome young ladies were attending Christian fitness conference. They were couped up inside all day so they decided in the interest of good health, they would put on their swimsuits, go outside and replenish their body's supply of vitamin D.

I commend them for their commitment to good health and see nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I think more young women should make sure they get enough vitamin D. And I don't need the media making their sexist comments each time these wholesome young Americans practice physical fitness.

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE?

I've always leaned liberal in my thinking so I always felt a little guilt when thinking badly about people of different nationality.

But I can't help but wonder what former President Bush saw that was so wonderful about the Saudis Royal Family.

They threw the American company that ran Aramco out in the late 70's. Powerful Saudi families have been known to finance terrorists. Bin Laden is a Saudi. 15 of the 19 terrorist scum of 911 were Saudis.

When a gallon of gas was over $4, causing havoc to our economy, I don't remember the Saudis telling OPEC to piss off and raising production to help us out.

The Saudi Princes all danced with President Bush and visited his ranch. They visited the White House. To be fair to President Bush, President Obama has had his share of friendly contact with the Saudi royals.

All this niceness we've given the Saudis all these years and what have we gotten. These pricks still brutalize women. I have the most wonderful wife and wonderful daughters any man could ask for. That's enough reason for me right there to want to tell these assholes to shove a bucket of sand from the Sahara up their asses.

Oil? The Saudis teasing us with who really knows how much oil they have has kept us from actually making real progress on alternative energy. Good for Exxon, Shell and the Saudis. I don't know what's so good about gas at $4 a gallon. Even $2.70 can be a bitch for many of us.

I still hope President Obama shows the good sense to stay out of what's going on in Iran. The fed up people can take care of it themselves. When they do, hopefully the attitude and courage to stand against the assholes that always end up being in charge will spread throughout the Arab world.

There will come a time when the United States will need to stand with these people. They know we will. Let them decide when the time is right.

SELF HELP TIPS FOR JON VOIGHT AND OTHER LONELY SOULS

I guess poor Jon Voight just couldn't rest on the accolades he received after starring in such fine films as Midnight Cowboy and Anaconda. Rather than sit by the pool and relive the glory days, he decided he missed the applause and pats on the back of earlier times so he made a speech to a bunch of republicans telling them bullshit they wanted to hear.

What the bullshit was doesn't matter. If it's republican speak you can rest assured it's bullshit.

Jon just wanted to hear the applause one more time and didn't care how he earned it.

It's easy to get righties to pat you on the back. Just say some nonsense about less government and freedom and these people will praise you as if you were the Almighty returning.

My good friend Professor Douglas of American Power has a legion of deluded fools that thank him for every word he types. He could type that he took a good crap and a horde of his followers would congratulate him for his patriotic defecation.

In keeping with my renown for kindness and benevolence, I offer this suggestion to anyone feeling self pity. Start a right wing blog. Post here or on one of my Liberal friend's blogs some blather about Liberals not being Americans. Withing two hours you will have 40 followers and at least 100 commenter's congratulating you for your wit and wisdom.

Glad I could help.

BIN LADEN PLANNING TO ATTACK WITH HOT NEOCON CHICKS!

I'm widely known throughout the Midwest for my helpful and benevolent nature. In keeping with my well deserved reputation, I offer this suggestion not just to Republicans, but all office holders and those that want them to read whatever it is they're signing or voting on.

We all remember the memo titled "Bin Laden Planning Attacks on American Soil." We also remember nobody reading it till after Bin laden completed his attacks on American soil.

Other than a few die hard policy wonks, nobody read the report from the Homeland Security Commission either. Or any budgets or spending bills.

So to get everyone to read all the stuff we're paying them to read, I suggest racy titles for all legislation from now on. "Betty Does the Budget" would be a good tame start. National security stuff needs a real good title cause that's national security stuff. Maybe if the Bin Laden attack thing would have been titled "Bin Laden Planning to Attack America With Hot Neocon Lesbian Chicks" a bunch of important, albeit horny, (aren't we all?) dudes would have read that guys named Muhammad and Omar were learning how to fly planes but not learning how to land them.

Pictures would be a welcome addition also. Perhaps a gay title for all the Bush Administration memos and appropriate pictures so we know before reading that it's about sodomizing working Americans with some more pro business, screw Unions stuff. One penis on the cover indicates a little sodomization. Five penises means KY and plenty of it boys. This is gonna hurt.

In the spirit of Justice Clarence "Long Dong Silver" Thomas, thank you all for cumming.

RELAX RICH DUDES. YOUR STUFF WILL STILL BE BETTER THAN THE REST OF OURS

Much ado has been made about nation health care. While I firmly believe single payer national health insurance is the best way to serve our Nation, President Obama wants something that covers everyone through employers or government run. He's the President so I don't have a lot of sway here.

Righties argue about choice and freedom regarding health care . They say they don't want government making decisions for them. Of course in the same breath they don't want to allow women making decision regarding a certain procedure my friend The Illustrious Patrick doesn't allow people to mention on his outstanding blog anymore.

What it really comes down to is this friends. The Right is ruled by the whims and desires of the wealthy. The wealthy believe they are privileged by their wealth to have more of everything than the working class. Country clubs. Fine houses in gated communities. BMWs like my good friend Tookie. Best whores. Best vacations. And most of, THE BEST HEALTH CARE.

I want to reassure my rich friends that because of their economic situation, they will always have the best of everything. Just because we share the same insurance company, by benefit of your ability to pay more, your health care will be better than mine. There will be plenty of good doctors that will be more than happy to kiss your rich ass and give you a private room and a private nurse.

It pains me to see fellow working class Americans like myself duped into the rich man's definition of freedom nonsense. I have no right to join the club if I can't afford the dues. But all of us have the right to quality health care. Life is more precious than the country club or the BMW.

THEY HATE TRUTH, BUT LOVE THIS GUY?

I've been taking some heat from a few righties at other sites. They don't like me for making fun of George W. Bush. They hate me for being against the Iraq invasion and occupation. They hate me for encouraging an old man to tell his story of mistreatment because of the color of his skin. They hate me for exposing their hatred.



These deluded fools ripped President Obama for bowing to the Saudi Prince. I don't know why he did that either to be frank. As far as I'm concerned, I wouldn't have a problem if he'd spit in the face of the misogynist bastard.




Remember when Bush danced with these Saudi clowns. That made some good video. Remember when he accepted the ceremonial sword from the Prince? Gas was over four dollars a gallon and Bush went there to plead for lower oil prices and more production. He came home with a freaking sword which he should have shoved up the Prince's ass.

Cheney went later and prices rose even more.

So after eight years of Bush/Cheney fuck ups, I'm supposed to forget them and embrace the right's view that anything that doesn't come out of the mouths of jokers like Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter is anti American?






I support all who serve our Nation in the Armed Forces. I will proudly pay more taxes to see that they are the best trained and equipped fighting force in the world. Regardless of whether I agree with the mission our President sends them on or not.



Earmarks account for maybe one or two percent of the budget. Eliminate them and that leaves 700 billion to go for a balanced budget. I'll pay more so my Country can pay it's bills and support our Soldiers. If your answer is no, then look in the mirror at a real anti American.

CRISIS OF FAITH

While I have no doubts about my faith, despite my devotion to several bloggers who espouse atheism, I certainly understand and sympathize with those who find themselves at odds with organized religion. I count myself among these people.

Going to church is not about looking good for others. It's not a place to be seen because you're running for political office. You go to give thanks to God.

I don't see alot of thankfulness. I see alot of old folks making pained faces because they don't like the benches or the kneelers. (I'm Catholic) I guess they feel if the seats at church hurt then God will give them Laz-E-Boy recliners in Heaven.

I see parents wearing themselves out trying to keep small children quiet. Folks. If some asshole gives you a dirty look because your young child is acting like a young child, I will gladly tell the asshole to go fuck himself for you.

I see the poor guy that's trying to lead the congregation in song. Bless his/her heart. The songs suck these days. The organ music sucks. What's worse is when the singer thinks he's the American Idol and insists on singing at least five verses of song's that weren't meant to be sung by anyone but Placido Domingo or Beverly Sill.

I've attended services at Protestant churches. They were lively and entertaining. But then I wonder if lively and entertaining were what God had in mind when He commanded us to keep the Sabbath holy.

I wonder if we'd all be better off without organized religion at all. It just seems that church is where most people go so nobody will think they're "bad." A Catholic can't help but wonder how much of their donation is going to pay off victims of abuse by depraved bastards that somehow got themselves ordained priests. No doubt, members of other denominations wonder how much or their tithe went to pay for Jimmy Swaggert's or Jim Bakers trists. Or the Reverends expensive house and Mercedes. Are these guys here to save our souls or just good fundraisers that know Bible verses?

What sickens me the most is not the people pretending to be holy when Father is around, then acting normally when he leaves. We all do that. I'm sick of the guilt trip laid on us. " Give this much or the church will go broke. The poor will die of starvation. A 900 foot tall Jesus will kill Oral Roberts. We'll be forced to look at Tammy Faye Baker. You will burn in hell. Your children will be raped and murdered because you didn't send them to our religious school. None of the other parishioners will buy your stuff because you didn't work as an usher or lector at Mass. You read James B. Webbs BRAIN RAGE."

I sometimes think we'd all be better off spiritually without the priests, reverends and the rest.

Just look at the sky on a starry night and say "Thanks God." You don't even have to get dressed up.

VICTIMS OF TERROR OR TERRIBLE LEADERSHIP?

For whatever reason, righties from Mitt Romney and Dick Cheney, to the average blind right wing fool at Hardees in the morning, love telling us that "At least President Bush kept us safe after 911."

I kindly and gently ask you to open your eyes to the total horseshittedness of that statement.

We still mourn the nearly 3,000 innocent people that were killed in the despicable attacks on September 11,2001. We need to feel just as sad and angry about the victims of the aftermath. I'm talking about the nearly 4,300 of our Soldiers, and also all the civilians that lost their lives in the Iraq invasion and occupation.

Dick Cheney just said that he knew of nothing that connected Iraq to 911. Glad he finally told something that was true. Why he didn't tell us that before the Iraq invasion is obvious. He wanted Iraq invaded. That Halliburton made lots of money was just a bonus.

The point is this. Bin Laden and his crew are guilty of 911. The Bush Administration used the THREAT of terrorism as one of the reasons to invade Iraq. A little underhanded connecting of the dots and voila! Pansies on both sides of the aisle, afraid of being labeled soft on terror, allow an invasion of a country that was no threat to our security and 4,300 of our Soldiers are dead. Their families mourn. They were victims of not just terror, but terrible leadership from our government.

The families of victims in the 911 attacks received around 1.5 million dollars. The families of victims of the Iraq invasion and occupation get a flag and nice burial at Arlington National Cemetery.

I know full well our Troops volunteered and knew the risks. We all honor them. The leadership they were given by the former commander in chief is a disgrace.

In conversations about this subject, a few deluded fools have brought up that "There really isn't that many casualties considering how many Troops we have there." They've also said " We lose that many Soldiers from accidents." Both these statements are not just stupid, they make light of the ultimate sacrifice these men and women gave for their Country.

The next time some idiot claims Bush kept us safe, remember the 4,300 that died in a country across the globe that was no threat and ask why those brave men and women could not have been better stationed here keeping our ports and borders safe instead of over there providing easy targets for insurgents and other scumbags that had no way of coming here.

Remember app. 30,000 that served in Iraq that now have missing limbs or eyes. They are victims just as much as the poor victims that lost their lives on 911.

It seems the Bush war on terror has cost more lives than Bin Laden. And while families mourn the loss of their soldier sons and daughters, Bush is living in a nice home in Texas comfortably retired. And Bin laden is still free.

Don't we all feel safer now?