It was a sad day in the Limbaugh household. Poor Rush couldn't get an erection again.
"I don't know what the matter is dear. I just can't get it up anymore. Shit. I'm can't even get a mental hard on for Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama these days" Rush said.
Rush's young wife responded "You think maybe it's the oxycontin, fatty foods, beer and cigars doing this to you Rush?"
"Nah. Those things haven't been proven to be bad for you any more than global warming is caused by man" said Rush.
Being the understanding soul, and knowing sugar daddy Rush with his pre nup would throw her out on the street if she was anything but accommodating and pretending she dug him, Rush's young wife said "maybe you need professional help darling." Rush's eyes glowed with rage. "Psychiatrists are liberal dogs and they're bullshit too!" he thundered.
"That's not what I meant Rush. I meant maybe you should see a professional working girl who knows how to erect a penis better than I do" the young wife said. Then she added "ask the maid. She gets your oxycontin. She surely must know a good whorehouse."
Rush said "that's a grand idea honey. I'll go ask Hazel where a good whorehouse is."
"Hazel. Where's a good whorehouse. A good conservative one mind you." said Rush. "My name is Juanita Mr. Limbaugh. And there's a good whorehouse that Jimmy Swaggert goes to not far from here. They say it offers great excitement. Here's the address Mr. Limbaugh." said Hazel. I mean Juanita.
Rush quickly donned his sunglasses and derby hat and dashed off to the whorehouse that offered great excitement.
When he got there he demanded to see the head madam and ordered her to give him this great excitement that Jimmy Swaggert swore by. The Madam took Rush down a hall and into a large room and said "here is where you'll find great excitement sir." Then she left Rush in the room.
Rush looked around thinking there would be an exciting trollop in there but to his surprise the only one in there with him was a turkey. Rush thought for a moment then said to himself "Hmmm. I guess I'm supposed to screw that turkey. If it's good enough for Jimmy Swaggert."
So Rush removed his clothes and proceeded to chase the turkey around the room. it wasn't easy. The turkey was pecking and clawing and gobbling, but Rush, outweighing the turkey by close to 400 lbs. finally pinned it down and boinked the holy hell out of it.
When Rush was satisfied he put his clothes back on. Found the madam and gave her a big tip. "Thanks Madam. That turkey was the best piece of ass I ever had. And I've screwed a shitload of democrats."
A week later Rush was in another funk. He just couldn't get that turkey off his mind. His young wife, sensing Rush's frustration told him to go boink the turkey again of that would make him happy. She thought to herself that it would make her happy not having to screw this fatass. Rush thanked her for being so understanding and headed off to the house of great excitement.
When Rush got there he walked in and saw Jimmy Swaggert. Rush said "Hey Jimmy. You're here for some great excitement also?" Swaggert said "yeah Rush. I wish I was here last week though. They said some big fat guy was fucking hell out of a turkey."
30 comments:
Southern phrases often lack the eloquence of many other English speaking regions of the world but there is one curse that aptly fits my opinion of El Rushbo and frankly most other conservatives.
In the old days it was the highest of denunciations to say to someone, "I would not piss on you if you were on fire."
Its gotten to the point now that I hope "people" like him do end up in that situation.
g*d Joe - you are too funny
I'm sitting here thinking - what if for some reason I have never discovered your blog.
Life without Truth 101 -
I don't think so.
Classy Beach Bum, real classy. And I thought liberals were tolerant people.
Guess I was wrong, huh?
Beach Bum loves turkey RN. Not in the way that Rush does though and that's probably what set him off.
Rush does put a whole new meaning on "stuffing the turkey."
I thought that was a picture of Rush.
I found the story quite funny... and the Al Gore quote as well. I knew Gore invented the internet, but didn't know the reason was so he could read this blog.
It so happens that I just posted a story to my own blog. Read it here and let me know what you think. My story also features a sex scene.
I'm not eating turkey again.
Ever.
Truth - Can you just imagine El Rushbo if he was relegated to chief sheep herder for a year in the Middle East somewhere, like maybe Iran?
I heard that story myself,joe, but it appears that before you got the story, someone substituted Rushbo's name for Micheal Moore's name. now i wonder why they'd do something as mean as that? :)
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btw, hope you and yours had a very nice thanksgiving.
if you're lucky Griper I'll adapt the story of "Jubango" to another right wing asshole.
Were you around when I posted the story about GW Bush's college days when he "satisfied" the lionness with the sore tooth?
I always love when bigoted intolerant tolls like irrantional nation ussa declare "I thought liberals were tolerant people" as though we have to tolerate his ignorant rants and illogical genuflecting to power (as long as it's wielded by the RIGHT people).
As a Liberal I will never tolerate the intorlerant bigots and authoritains like Rational Nation.
This is all true - I mean after all Truth said it didn't he.
I'm with GeG when it comes to those from the other side.
This must be a different wife we're talking about here.
GeG - The feeling is quite mutual I assure you. Your intolerance for anything not hard left is telling. It is you that are authoritarian in your slavish worship of lefist culture.
OF - The other side? Divisive as usual. Sooo very much like the hard left. Totally intolerant of any opposing views.
Gee, what a surprise
HAAAAAAAA!!! Great post, Truth 101!
Ah, Rational I merely have no tolerance for the likes of you who mouth words of freedom and classic liberalism while at the same time working to attach the chains of wage slavery and Corporate Tyranny on your fellow Americans.
So, no I will not tolerate your Oppression and Slavery.
GeG. - Not only are you giving away your ignorance you also obviously don' t read. You sir have absolutely no idea what classical liberalism is. Either that or it scares the shit out you. Which given what seems to be your ideology is no surprise. I, have no tolerance for your BS any longer either. So, call it whatever you like.
Rational as much as you'd like to believe you are a champion of freedom you hide behind "nuance" and word games in describing yourself as a "classical liberal" what you are, sir, is a servant of tyranny and a mendacious, obsequious tool of Plutocracy.
Oh and keep your insults of ignorance I've read your blog and it is a fawning servile defense of Republicans and the "Master Class".
GeG - Right zipwad, so good to know you have proved me Right yet once again. Good Day Sir. And I am using the term sir VERY loosely here.
It you who hide behind your clever nuances and fabricated BS that is lacking any clarity or legitimacy.
GeG - By the way genius zipwad, have you looked up Classical Liberalism yet. Or you still stuck on Authoritarianism? Something you seem to know a lot about. Mm, telling wouldn't you say?
probably was around, joe, but my memory is bad and do not remember that story. :)
btw, joe, i think your friend, octopus, just banned me from Shaw's place. guess i got him a little riled up. lol
you know what i'd like to see you do, joe. and i think it would make a good series of posts for you.
i'd like to see some posts of how you envision this nation if you were to apply your ideology in total without interference.
i might just do the same series in a rebuttal on my site. i think it would be a real fun thing to do.
I shall call the series "Utopia."
if I get around to it. Been sick as a dog since yesterday.
I know you are but what a I... Nice retort, Rational, you servant body and soul to Power and Authority (as long as it's the right type).
You're own blogger profile indicates you have no grasp of realpolitk and have engaged in the most infantile name calling from the very beginning!
"That the Obama administration will succeed in turning this great nation into a socialist/Marxist state unless we, the people, wake up."
A Ridiculous statement from a non-serious person whose hobbies have lead him so far down the rabbit hole as to be scared of the faint shadows cast upon his now near useless eyes.
GeG - From one who has no eyes at all, that being you, I shall take your comments for what they are worth... Absolutely Nothing at all worth considering.
Joe - I owe you big time.
After your comment on my blog tonight about posting some of my art - it only took me about 15 minutes to see what I need to do - and that is to open a website for my paintings.
I had already realized that selling my paintings was the direction I would take - but your comment opened that door wide enough for me to see the way.
thanks joe
I'm not gonna forget what you did for me tonight.
Funny story Sue. I think it was me that told Rational Nation to start a blog.
I hope Octo, Grunge Gene and Whirling Dervish like your paintings.
"Utopia", huh, joe? now this really interests me. i think that a government that could fulfill the promise of an utopian society would unite everyone in the world.
Joe - I have 'consulted' my son-in-law about setting up something to display my paintings.
We both agreed that it would take place over the Christmas Holiday.
but when it happens truth 101 will be the first place I will announce it.
And I expect all the commenters here to put out big bucks to buy one.
:) seg
the proceeds of which will go toward a Steinway piano for stidh
I believe it was Griper who said he knows a lot of really rich people - so we can start there
:)
Money for Art and Pianos. Much better than bombs and bullets.
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